What it means to be a HIV positive woman

Vicky

Being an HIV positive woman has impacted on me positively. Before I was diagnosed, I took so many things for granted. I even thought having HIV was something that happened to “other people”. I somehow managed to fool myself into thinking that I was too blessed to ever become caught up in being infected. That is what tends to happen when you are naïve and in love. I did not know at the time that the person that I had decided was the perfect human being, was far from perfect after all. He was a liar and he was promiscuous. I just did not know it, until I was diagnosed.

That was when my world came crashing around me.

I have been living with HIV for 12 years now. I smile when I think about it. To be honest, having HIV is not the worst thing that can happen to anyone, especially whilst living in the UK. I realise that sometimes when misfortune knocks, it’s easy to think that we have been cursed, or that The Devil has set us up. but maybe, it has nothing to do with being cursed or The Devil. I realised that sometimes, unfortunate events, such as contracting HIV, bring about the best out of us. We learn how to be different, in a positive way. We are pushed to do better, to kill our old bad habits and lifestyles and replace them with new ones. We strive to be better, and once we overcome the depression, our souls become nourished with so much strength. I fought against so many things for my happiness. I went for what I wanted and I went hard.  I learnt so much through observing others, as well as through my own experiences.  I researched so much about my health condition that I became an expert at my own care. I learnt to look after myself, as well as to love myself. I know that nobody could EVER love me more than the way that I love myself.

When I search for heroes in my life, I look up to all the brave women that are happy and living well with HIV. I am among those brave and admirable heroes. I am my own hero. I used my superhero powers to come out of being suicidal, to maintain mental stability and to overcome.

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